As I see it, anxiety is a fear of uncertainty; worried about being judged negatively, of making a mistake, of missing out or just not being good enough.
And psychologically we create and build “safety behaviours” which we perceive will help to reduce those feelings, including;
- Mind reading (what are people thinking about me)
- Avoidance (physical or over-thinking)
- Numbing emotions through booze, drugs or self-harm
- or, even Suicide to finally eliminate difficult emotions
Our modern world is hard-wired to support this cycle of negative log-jam. We live in a complex world full of stressors our body is not naturally designed to cope with — technology especially provides us with the illusion that we are connected and that “better” (whatever that means!) is just a click away — more efficient, happier or fulfilled.
An extra special shout out to Technology as this is frazzling our circuits and natural responses to life and the “slings and arrows”…a false hope of being heard, validated or connected without the beneficial hormonal responses of real connection, including oxytocin (empathy and relationship building) and dopamine (pleasure and satisfaction) which are the biological feedback that we are doing, and feeling, good.
So we are all a bit screwed! But all is not lost and there are strategies we can use to get back on track when having a wobble;
- Recognise our feelings and have the courage to ask someone for help
- Build a stronger connection to, and understanding of, our emotions
- If we have feelings of distress, we need to acknowledge this quickly (too often the shame of having emotions will send us towards the negative “safety behaviours” as above)
- Recognise and reframe our relationship with technology — those wily Californian coders in Silicon Valley are doing their best to control our responses to whatever they want. Remember we are not defined by external factors…we always have choice
And why the Shire Horse? The writer F.Scott Fitzgerald wrote a letter to a young family member setting out some advice on things to worry, and things not to worry about….there’s some good stuff in here although I can’t see many people worrying about horsemanship nowadays!
